Dating can be fun, exciting, and even a little nerve-wracking—but let’s be real: when you’re dating with intention, you’re not just looking for a good time.
You’re looking for a good fit. The kind of person you can build a future with. Laugh with. Grow with. Maybe even pick out throw pillows with.
And that changes things. It doesn’t make dating boring or robotic (far from it!). It just means you’re moving through the experience with a little more clarity, confidence, and heart.
So whether you’re getting back into the dating world or you’re currently seeing someone and wondering where it’s going, here’s your guide to asking the right kinds of questions—so you can date bravely, mindfully, and meaningfully.
What Does Dating With Intention Mean?
Dating with intention means showing up with clarity about what you want—and being honest with yourself (and others) along the way.
It’s about saying, “I’m not just dating to pass the time or fill a void. I’m dating because I want a relationship that adds something real and meaningful to my life.”
When you’re dating with intention, you’re not wasting time playing games or trying to be someone you’re not. You’re open to getting to know someone deeply—and you’re just as interested in whether you like them as you are in whether they like you.
It’s about quality over quantity. Thoughtful questions over endless small talk. And alignment over butterflies alone.
It doesn’t mean rushing into commitment or skipping the fun, flirty, exciting parts of dating. It just means you’re being present and honest about your hopes for the future.
What Is the 3-3-3 Rule for Dating?
Ah yes, one of those handy little dating “rules” that’s been floating around online. The 3-3-3 rule for dating can mean different things depending on who you ask, but here’s a version that fits beautifully with dating with intention:
- 3 minutes of genuine eye contact or active listening on a first date
- 3 dates before making assumptions about long-term potential
- 3 months before making a major relationship decision (like exclusivity or moving in)
This rule isn’t about being rigid—it’s about giving yourself space to connect intentionally. It encourages you to stay present, check in with yourself, and let the relationship unfold at a pace that feels grounded.
So when you’re dating with intention, the 3-3-3 rule reminds you to slow down enough to see someone for who they really are—and to give yourself time to reflect on whether they truly align with your values, needs, and vision for partnership.
What Are Examples of Dating Intentions?
Not everyone dates with the same endgame—and that’s okay! The key to dating with intention is knowing your intention and communicating it clearly.
Here are a few examples of dating intentions you might resonate with:
- “I’m looking for a long-term partner and I’m open to seeing where this goes with someone who shares that vision.”
- “I want to build a deep emotional connection and take things slowly toward something serious.”
- “I’m newly single and focusing on healing, but I’m open to meeting people mindfully and honestly.”
- “I’m ready for a committed relationship with someone who aligns with my values and life goals.”
When you know your intention, it becomes easier to filter through matches, ask the right questions, and honor your own time and emotional energy.
What Is an Intentional Relationship?
An intentional relationship is one where both people are consciously choosing each other—and choosing to grow together. It’s not about coasting or defaulting into routines. It’s about consistently showing up, communicating openly, and creating something real, even when life gets messy.
In an intentional relationship:
- You talk about your goals, dreams, and fears
- You’re honest about your needs, boundaries, and desires
- You support each other’s growth—individually and together
- You make time for joy and repair after conflict
- You both understand that love isn’t just a feeling—it’s an active, ongoing choice
If you’re dating with intention, this is probably what you’re ultimately hoping to build. And the beautiful thing? It starts with asking deeper questions early on—not in a pressure-y way, but in a curious, grounded, “let’s get real” kind of way.
What Should You Ask When Dating With Intention?
Here are some conversation starters that go beyond “what do you do for work?” and into the good, soul-level stuff:
1. “What does a healthy relationship look like to you?”
This gives you insight into their values and emotional maturity.
2. “What are you looking for right now?”
Such a simple question, but so powerful. Their answer tells you whether you’re on the same page—and saves everyone time.
3. “What are your non-negotiables in a partnership?”
We all have boundaries and needs. This is a great way to understand theirs (and share yours too).
4. “What does emotional intimacy mean to you?”
Because vulnerability is a big part of long-term connection—and it’s helpful to know how they navigate it.
5. “How do you handle conflict?”
Long-term compatibility isn’t just about attraction—it’s about how you communicate, especially when things get tough.
These aren’t first-date interrogation questions. They’re invitations—to go deeper, to get curious, and to align on the kind of relationship you both want to create.
What If You’re Scared to Ask These Questions?
Totally normal.
We’ve been conditioned to play it cool, to “go with the flow,” or to avoid rocking the boat too soon. But when you’re dating with intention, clarity is a gift—not just to you, but to the person you’re dating.
Being honest about what you’re looking for helps you attract people who want to meet you in that space. And if they’re not ready for that? That’s okay. It’s not rejection—it’s redirection. You’re not looking for just anyone. You’re looking for your someone.
Final Thoughts: You’re Allowed to Want Something Real
Here’s your permission slip: you’re allowed to want depth. You’re allowed to ask the big questions. You’re allowed to say, “I’m dating with intention,” and trust that the right people will be drawn to your clarity.
And you’re allowed to have fun, too. Dating with intention doesn’t mean every date has to be a serious strategy session. It means you’re being thoughtful about where you place your energy—and who you invite into your heart.
So take your time. Check in with yourself often. Ask the questions that matter. And remember: when you lead with honesty and openness, you make space for something real to grow.
Because dating with intention isn’t about finding “perfect.” It’s about finding aligned. And when that happens? That’s where the magic begins.
Looking for further support? Get started with Modern Insight Therapy.